Bigger breasts are not this easy

Today I stumbled across an incredible new technology which may just help you bridge the gap between your social life and the size of your boobs; the breast enlargement ringtone for your cellphone.

Dr Hideto Tomabechi is a Japanese cognitive scientist who has made it his mission to understand, among other things, how so called “functional” sounds can effect your neurochemistry and, indeed, even your physiology.

The basic premise behind Dr Tomabechi’s “rock melon” ringtone (no, I am not making this up) is that a woman’s breasts will enlarge if she is exposed to the sound of a crying baby repeatedly over a long period of time. Presumably making a ringtone which just sounds like an infant would be too darn simple, so the doctor decided to make that awful screeching noise instead.

Apart from the fact that Tomabechi went through a lot of effort for what he could have achieved in a few minutes with a microphone and an unhappy baby, the premise seems sound. However, there are a few questions which are not answered by Dr. Tomabechi or the producers of the Discovery Channel insert.

In an effort to understand the science behind the “rock melon” ringtone I tried to find any published research supporting the claims made by Dr Tomabechi. Unfortunately I was not able to find evidence of any trials of Dr Tomabechi’s ringtone. I could find nothing documenting a proposed mechanism for the ringtone’s effect, no information on methodology for testing the ringtone, no details about whether any women’s breasts were measured, nor how they were measured.

The only “evidence” we have for the effectiveness of “rock melon” is that which is presented by the Discovery channel, namely a young lady, called Ria, who measures her own chest circumference with a measuring tape. This is extremely weak evidence. Ria’s self measurement is open to too many unaccounted for variables. Firstly, Ria could have been been open to confirmation bias, she could have been wearing a more restrictive bra during the first measurement than the last, she may have taken a deeper breath for the last measurement. All of these confounding variables (and many more) are possibly producing a false positive result and because there is no research available, my concerns cannot be addressed.

The video clip makes brief mention of other evidence; correspondence from women around the world who wrote to Dr Tomabechi to affirm the effectiveness of the ringtone. Unfortunately this anecdotal evidence carries no weight in science and does not contribute to proving the efficacy of the ringtone.

In an effort to understand the possible effects of a babies cries on the size of a womans breasts I spoke at length with a professional midwife with extensive experience in the maternity wards of large hospitals in Durban and Johannesburg, Brenda O’Sullivan.

I carefully explained the details of Tomabechi’s ringtone and asked her opinion on whether or not prolonged exposure to the sound of a crying baby would  cause a womans breasts to grow.  Brenda’s answer was an unequivocal “NO”.

In her opinion there is no plausible mechanism by which the sound of a babies cries could cause the female’s breasts to grow. Whilst all mothers who have breastfed (myself included) can testify to the sensation of her milk “coming in” as her infant suckles at the breast, and sometimes even at the sound of his / her hungry cries, the very important difference is that these women are lactating already. Their bodies have gone through 40 long weeks of hormone induced changes to prepare them for this job.

Dr Tomabechi makes one further statement I would like to address, in the video he claims that their is a “muscular message” which tells the fat stored on your belly and on your butt to move towards your breasts. This claim is ludicrous. It is based on two flawed premises; firstly that fat stores in your body can move and secondly that messages to your muscles can cause this movement.

To address this ridiculous ambulatory fat idea I will turn to the Wikipedia entry on adipose tissue (human body fat);

In humans, adipose tissue is located beneath the skin (subcutaneous fat), around internal organs (visceral fat), and in the bone marrow (yellow bone marrow). Adipose tissue is found in specific locations which are referred to as ‘adipose depots.’ Adipose tissue contains several cell types, with the highest percentage of cells being adipocytes, which contain fat droplets. Other cell types include fibroblasts, macrophages and endothelial cells. Adipose tissue contains many small blood vessels. In the integumentary system, which includes the skin, it accumulates in the deepest level, the subcutaneous layer, providing insulation from heat and cold. Around organs, it provides protective padding.

Your body fat stays where it accumulates until you force your body to use it as fuel through vigorous physical activity. Listening to a strange noise is not going to instruct your muscles to move fat around in your body. Your muscles are not capable of doing this.

In closing, I would like to quote Michael Meadon’s thoughts on the topic of the breast enlarging ringtone;

Show me the evidence, Bitch!

I think that sums it up perfectly.

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