I have a colleague who is a Protestant and she has made a bit of a name for herself within our office for cornering people and giving them all the glorious details about the “Rapture”. Today it was my turn. I was sitting quietly at my desk when she came downstairs for a cup of coffee. It was early morning and the office was still quiet and she decided that it was high time that she saved my damned soul.
According to Ms. Protestant when the rapture comes there will be murder and rape (we live in South Africa so I think it’s already well under way). Well, that sounds like pretty standard end-of-the-world stuff to me, I was expecting something more impressive like Fire and Brimstone.
“uh-huh” was pretty much my only answer, I was hoping she would just go away.
Apparently when the four horsemen of the apocalypse come, we will all have skin growing on our teeth. Ok, now we are starting to sound like the director is getting serious. Then came the line I will never forget;
“I know this all sounds very scientific” she says.
That’s right, SCIENTIFIC!
I think the tea coming out of my nose must have expressed my thoughts on the matter and had I not been gagging I would have told her exactly why the “Rapture” is not scientific.
When I got home tonight and started reading through the news sites I like to frequent I found a second reference to the “Rapture”. A coincidence or a sign from Jesus telling me to repent and save my heathen soul?
Probably just a coincidence.
What I found tonight is this website allowing the saved to e-mail (pronounced “spam”) their “lost” friends and family in the event of the “Rapture”. That’s right, just when you finish waving your fond goodbyes to the millions of Christians whose bodies are defying the LAW OF GRAVITY by floating into the sky to meet Jesus, your inbox will be filled with their one last hope to save your damned soul from the flames.
I just have one question for Ms. Protestant;
When the Rapture comes, can I have your car?